I Like My Weasleys in Pairs
by luvscharlie
Summary: Tonks has discovered that she likes her Weasley men to come two at a time. Fred/Tonks/George, Bill/Tonks/Charlie, Remus/Tonks


_I Like My Weasleys in Pairs_ by Luvscharlie

_

* * *

_

Warnings: Threesome, Twincest, Incest, Anal, Voyeurism, and Sex, sex, and more sex

_A/N: Originally written for the January 2010 prompts of ménage a trois and breasts at Daily Deviant on Insane Journal_

* * *

Laughter is one of those things I used to do so well. Before this war and all the death and destruction that come with it, I was Little Miss Happy-Go-Lucky. The pink hair, the extremely witty sense of humour, the very nice set of tits, if I do say so myself. What do you mean my tits have nothing to do with laughter? First of all, it's my story, so keep your nose out of it. Secondly, it's damned funny listening to Bill Weasley stumble over his words when I go bouncing into an Order meeting sans bra. Of course, I do tend to have that effect on men named Weasley. I can't recall one conversation Charlie and I have ever had where he made eye contact with anything that wasn't my nipples.

But I can't blame the lack of laughter these days completely on the war. I mean, you'd think that death and destruction would be enough to merit the non-funniness, right? Yeah, well for most girls that'd probably be true. But not me. No, I always have to be an overachiever. I mean why go for the simple 'war is hell' nonsense when you can add a broken heart to the heap of problems? You know, you'd think what with all this overachieving business, I'd have made better marks in school. Clearly this was a trend I decided to start later in life.

And the cherry on the top of my sundae of gloom has a name: Remus Lupin.

Want to know how many times I've tried the bouncing by him without a bra routine? Too many to count. Want to know how many times it's seemed to catch his eye? Not a bloody one. I don't think I get to count the time he bloodied his nose because Bill stopped suddenly in front of him to admire the view and Remus ran smack into him.

So lately, I've given up trying to get Remus Lupin's attention. Okay, not completely. I mean really, is there anything that makes a girl more determined to acquire something than the belief that it is out of her reach? I think most people assume I must enjoy the chase, but that's completely not true. (No matter what Charlie Weasley says, it is NOT true.) I hate this feeling. I miss the happy-go-lucky me, that girl who could always see the bright side of every tarnished Knut. Because you know, that girl was never short on invitations to parties and people always wanted to be around her. I can't remember the last time an owl arrived at my window that didn't carry some message of doom. And well, yes, that might have something to do with the fact that we're in the middle of a war and parties aren't really in abundance right now, but I'm not so sure. Lately, I don't much even want to be around myself, so who am I to blame others for skirting around me with the most extreme caution?

Anyway, for some reason which even I can't fathom, it would appear that even when I'm my most unlikeable, my hold over Weasley men still… well, holds. (And frankly, it's a good thing I have nice tits because my vocabulary is clearly lacking.) But I mean I can't call it a spell because that would earn me a trip to Azkaban if someone were to misunderstand. Besides, I'd never cast a spell on a man to get him interested in me—well, not yet anyway—Remus is testing my resolve in this regard.

I _have_ been known to use a love potion, but it was only once. And I was only sixteen. There's a not sixteen-year-old girl in the world who hasn't tried it once… well, except maybe Hestia Jones, but she got both the arse and the tits, so it's not like she ever needed one. And I just might have been responsible for that spell that caused her to grow a giant wart on the end of her nose when Alexander MacMillan asked her to be his date for the Yule Ball instead of me. I'm fairly certain she knows about that too (Charlie Weasley and his bloody big mouth!), so I've asked Dumbledore not to pair me with her for Order missions. Oi, she might hold a grudge and she might not. I'd rather not find out the hard way, you know?

Anyway, back to those Weasley men and my hold on them.

It started back at school, I think. I mean, Bill and Charlie and I—well, we did our share of "experimenting." And let me just tell you that I've never regretted a single lesson that I learned from those two… and you've never seen anything until you've seen Bill and Charlie kiss… each other. All that freckled skin and Charlie's hands moving over the smooth expanse of Bill's back. Theirs were the first two cocks I ever saw. And being as we were at school and all, it only seemed appropriate that I should study them thoroughly. Their bodies were so different. Two brothers, who in personality certainly had their similarities, were not alike in body-type at all. Bill was _long and lean_… everywhere. Whereas, Charlie made up for in girth what he lacked in length… once again, everywhere. But when they were together, kissing and touching as I watched, it was like all those differences just blended together to form a picture of utter perfection.

And when it was me that they were focused on… well, utter perfection doesn't even begin to describe it. There should be a word for it. But there simply isn't one that's wonderful enough for a description of those times… or perhaps there is, but I don't know it. Really, I should work on my vocabulary.

Of course, I was sworn to secrecy about that… but they can only blame themselves. It's not like I've ever been one to keep secrets all that well. In fact, I'm a bit of a blabbermouth. I do wonder if the snobbish French bird knows about those little escapades. I've never understood what Bill sees in her anyway. I mean she's pretty enough, I guess, if you go in for that kind of thing. But Bill always had a thing for big tits, and she's sorely lacking in that department. Okay, that might be a bit of envy on my part; her tits are probably fine, you know, in an average sort of way. But she can't make hers grow so big that Bill can shove his cock between them and… well, you get the picture. I definitely have better tits than her.

But school was a long time ago, and while Bill, Charlie and I haven't completely severed all ties (Take that, Veela girl!), it's just not the same anymore. In fact, using "ties" happens to be one of my favourite things.

Still, lately it's not Bill and Charlie that have been partaking of my charms. And regardless of what Remus Lupin thinks, I have charms aplenty. It seems that Fred and George have taken it upon themselves to make sure that I get some laughter back into my life. I can't say that they've taken my mind completely off Remus, but it's hard to sulk about it when you're doing a pair of Weasleys, you know?

It all started with an owl that said _You're becoming a real drag. Order meetings used to be more fun, when you were your old self. We miss the old Tonks. Come by the shop. We have something for you._ They signed it off "The Sexy Weasleys (not Bill and Charlie)". The sign-off alone was enough to make me smile. And I hadn't smiled in a good while until I received that owl, so I thought: _Why not?_

And that's how I ended up at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes one cold winter night right as the shop was closing up.

"Tonks," Fred said jovially. "How good of you to come. Isn't it good of her to come, George?"

George simply grinned at me as he finished bagging a customer's purchases and followed them to the door in order to turn the sign to 'closed' and wand the lock, which resounded in the now empty space with a click.

I was never one to skate around an issue. I'm a direct-to-the-point type of girl. "So what have you blokes got for me? A Cheering Charm? Some special love potion? Perhaps a Kick-Remus-Lupin-in-his-prim-and-proper-arse Charm that you've made up just for me. Aw, you just really shouldn't have, boys."

Fred spoke up—or was it George? Sometimes it was so hard to tell. "We didn't. We wondered who it was you were pining over. George, here-_so it was Fred, it's a shame they were dressed alike because once they started moving around, I was going to be lost again as to who was who_- suspected you might be Melancholy Mary because of Bill and his new little Frenchie, but I didn't much think so. Particularly not since I'm fairly certain Bill still pays you a visit every once and again."

I wasn't going to deny it. In fact, I sort of found that I liked the fact that they knew there was still a piece of Bill Weasley that belonged to me. I hoped Remus knew it too. So there, Mr. I'm-Too-Old-For-You Lupin!

Fred had continued to talk. "…I'm not sure what you see in Remus. Not that he's not a nice bloke and all because he is, but he is a little old for you, don't you think?"

"Not you too! I'm so tired of hearing that."

George broke into the conversation and placed a warm hand on my back. "Ignore him, Tonks. He has a knack for putting his foot in his mouth."

Fred gave his brother a pointed look and continued. "We've heard you like your Weasleys to come in pairs."

"Point made. He clearly likes the way his foot tastes." George's reply earned him another one of Fred's looks.

"Well, Tonks, I think you could use a little laughter in your life. No offense, but you're becoming no fun at all."

"However would a girl be offended by that?" I said with a snort.

Fred held up his hands. "Now, let me finish before you decide whether or not to pummel me—"

George interrupted, "And I'd like to point out that this was all his idea, so please aim your wand at him when he's finished. I'll just stand right here to make sure there's no confusion as to who's who."

"Smart," I said.

"Well, I am the one with the brains."

"And I'm the one with the looks," Fred finished.

"I suspect people will have no difficulty telling you apart when one of you is missing his balls." I gave Fred my own pointed look when I finished that statement and was glad to see him swallow hard.

"You know, brother," George said, "perhaps this wasn't your best idea."

"That's funny. I didn't see you objecting to it earlier. In fact, you were all for it, couldn't stop talking about how nice her tits were and how you'd like to-"

George waved his hands for Fred to stop talking and stepped away from me, taking a defensive stand behind a counter. Smart boy.

"Well, I have to agree with you on that," I said, nodding in George's direction. "I do have fabulous tits." The relief that washed over George's face at my reaction was enough to make me giggle.

"See!" Fred shouted. "Less than five minutes in our company and she's giggling already. When's the last time you did that?"

And honestly, I could not remember.

"Felt good, didn't it?" George asked, sidling up next to me. Apparently, he believed any immediate danger to his bollocks had passed.

Fred moved in on my other side. "We can make you feel even better."

And at that ridiculous show of testosterone, I laughed. In fact, I laughed so hard that I simply couldn't stop. I grabbed hold of a shelf of Weasleys' products in order to keep from falling over and tears began to stream down my face.

"Okay, you done yet? Because really, my ego's taking a pounding over here."

I wasn't sure who said it, but I took a couple of large gasps in an attempt to control my laughter, and though their offer was ridiculous, somewhere in the midst of all that laughter, I had begun to consider it. They were certainly easy on the eyes, and boy, did it ever feel good to laugh again. And I remembered how much fun it had been to compare (and enjoy) the bodies of both Bill and Charlie. What must it be like to be with two bodies that were completely identical? Or perhaps I would discover that they weren't identical after all?

I shook my head as if to shake it free of those insane thoughts. I was _not_ going to have sex with Bill and Charlie Weasley's little brothers. I just wasn't. I only wish I believed that my own willpower was going to win out. My nipples were already hardening at the thought of finding myself once more between a pair of Weasleys. And I wondered if they would kiss and caress one another the way Bill and Charlie had. And what must it be like to fuck twins? I was fairly certain I wasn't going to have to hypothesize after this evening. I'd have a life experience to fall back on in answering that question.

"It's like you can watch the gears turning in her head," one twin said.

"I like what I'm seeing," replied the other.

"_If_ I were going to do this," I said, rushing to add, "and I'm not saying I will. But, just say I was, there would have to be some ground rules."

The twins moved to stand in front of me side by side, crossing their arms over their chests at the same time, as though choreographed, and just that simple involuntary movement done in unison made me go a little weak in the knees. _I was completely going to do this… and enjoy every minute of it._

"First of all," I said, "whatever happens tonight goes no farther than the three of us."

"Done," they said in unison, each grabbing one of my hands and tugging me toward the stairs to their flat above the shop. I dug in my heels and pulled back.

"And," I began, and smiled when both of them groaned, "you have to do what I say."

"Done," they said again, and attempted once more to pull me up the stairs.

I tugged back again and grinned once more at their exasperated groans.

"You do know we're the Weasleys who dislike rules, right?" George asked. "I mean if you think we get off on rules, you're confusing us with Percy. And really, that's not acceptable at all."

"_At all_!" Fred stressed.

"First of all, give me your wands." They handed those over without any protest, which surprised me. I continued as though I hadn't heard them. "So if I say Fred kiss George, you have to do it. No complaints, no—" And there was no reason to continue that sentence any farther because Fred grabbed George, backed him into a wall and kissed him until _I_ was gasping for breath. I watched Fred's tongue slide over George's lower lip and work its way into his mouth, as his hands slid down George's arms.

They broke apart, and I thought my weak knees might fail me, and I had no idea how George was remaining standing after being kissed that way.

"Is that what you had in mind?" Fred said.

I didn't need any further convincing. This time I grabbed their hands and practically flew up the stairs to their flat dragging them behind me. I heard one of them swear as he stumbled and bumped his knee on the banister.

We had no sooner pushed our way into their flat, and their hands were touching me everywhere. I, however, was not to be deterred. I was determined to see them together. "Again," I said. "Kiss him again."

And though they may not be the Weasleys who got off on rules, they followed orders quite well. With me sandwiched between them, Fred curled his hand around George's neck and pulled him forward. Their mouths melded together in a battle of tongues and teeth, and as they kissed, George's hands slipped around from behind me and closed over my tits. He pinched my nipples hard and my treacherous knees very nearly gave way. Watching them was one thing, but watching them as they touched me was something all together different.

"Gods," I moaned as I felt Fred's erection pressed against my stomach.

"Ah, you flatter us, Tonks. We're close, but not quite gods," George whispered into my ear, before sinking his teeth into my neck in a sharp nip that set my heart hammering in my chest. He tugged harder, pulling at my nipples. "Make them bigger," he whispered. My tits doubled in size and I was rewarded with groans from each twin.

I felt my control slipping, and I struggled to reclaim it. I wasn't done with them yet. There were so many things I wanted to watch them do. George pulled my shirt over my head and before I could stop them each of them had bent his head and attached his mouth to one of my nipples and both began to suckle. My fingers twisted in their hair and my already weak knees finally could take no more and gave way. Fred's arm went around my waist to keep me from falling, but his mouth never stopped its persistent torture.

I struggled between pushing them away and pulling them hard against me, but finally managed to recover my willpower. I swallowed hard to recover my voice and pushed Fred away me. My hand stroked down his chest clutching the material of his shirt. "Undress him," I ordered, and with a flick of my wand, I bound George's hands behind his back and stepped away from him.

Fred sighed. "Really? I'd much rather undress you. I mean, I can see him starkers any time. All I need to do is look in the mirror."

"You agreed to do what I wanted. But if you want to be difficult I can always tie you up over there in that chair and you can watch George and I."

Fred grumbled but obediently reached for the hem of George's shirt and began to tug. "Um, Your Highness," Fred said, when the shirt wasn't going any higher because of George's bound hands. Clearly, I hadn't thought that through.

I vanished the shirt away with a flick of my wand and nodded that he should continue. Fred moved behind George and slid his hands down George's chest slowly, raking his short nails over George's nipples and giving me a show. He reached George's waist and fumbled with the buckle of his belt. The belt came free and Fred worked the button of George's denims open, and slid down the zip, pushing them down to George's knees. I sidled up to George and kissed him, pressing my tits against his bare chest and sliding my hand into the front of his pants, grasping his cock and squeezing lightly.

George blinked his eyes and whispered and his bindings vanished.

"How did you do that?"

"It's our flat. It does what we tell it, with or without wands. You underestimate us."

"She clearly underestimates us." Fred did some twisty thing with his fingers and whispered some words I didn't understand, and before I knew what had happened none of us were wearing clothes, my wand was missing and I was being dragged toward the bedroom.

As much as I wanted to watch them more and to protest that they were taking away my control, my clit was throbbing for contact and when Fred lay down on the bed and wiggled his finger for me to join him, I did so. However, I wasn't about to let them have all the control. Fred reached for me and I pushed his hands away, throwing my leg over and straddling his body on my knees. I leaned forward and my mouth devoured his as I pushed my tongue between his lips. I grasped his cock and slid the head against my folds as I frotted against him.

"Fuck yes," Fred said. "Fuck, you're wet."

The bed creaked with the weight of George's body and I felt him crawl in behind me and press against my back. "Let's see," he whispered and I curled my arm behind me and pulled his head down to kiss me as his finger parted my folds and began to slowly stroke back and forth.

As George teased my clit, Fred positioned his cock at my entrance and bucked his hips up, sliding into me with one smooth quick thrust. George released me and his finger was replaced by Fred's thumb pressing against my clit. George pushed me gently forward and I twisted my hips, grinding down and meeting Fred thrust for thrust.

I heard the flick as the top of a bottle came off and felt the slow burn as George's slick fingers slid into my arse. His fingers were soon replaced by his cock and I thought I was going to come right then with two identical cocks pushing in and out of me.

"God," Fred gasped from beneath me, as George's slow thrusts picked up speed.

"Not quite, but close," I said back.

"Just what this bed needs," George retorted sarcastically. "A bit more cheek in it."

And that was when I realised there was only one bed. And this was the only other room besides the loo that I had noticed on my quick trip down the hallway as I was tugged into the bedroom.

"So you two always—"

"Oh yes, we thought you'd worked that out," Fred said, craning his neck forward and capturing my mouth.

And that image alone was all it took. I think my brain must have had some sort of explosion because I definitely saw stars and I think I might have lost time somewhere as my muscles spasmed and I said things that probably weren't even words. I heard them both moaning as if from somewhere far away and the frantic thrusts that ended in deep throaty moans told me that they'd found their releases somewhere close to the time I had found mine. Perhaps it was during my brain explosion incident because I don't exactly remember much else until we were all lying in a heap on the bed where every night they… just the thought sent pulses charging through me again.

"Merlin," Fred said with a long sigh.

George was breathing heavily in my ear as though he couldn't speak if his life depended on it.

And of all the things I could have said… and maybe even wanted to say at that very moment, all I could seem to do was laugh… and it felt wonderful. And as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't help but remember that there were a total of six Weasley boys, not four.

"Another pair," I said with a sigh.

"Huh?" George said with a yawn.

"Nothing. Just thinking aloud, I guess." I went to sleep that night with a smile affixed firmly to my face.


End file.
